Tip of the Day #8 (12/18/09)

This tip is for you starving artist types (I know you're reading this). If you're low on funds and having trouble keeping yourself fed, try taking a high dose of chlorophyll pills (about 10,000 a day should do). After a few days your skin will turn a healthy green and you will develop the ability to photosynthesize. The chlorophyll in your skin will help you metabolize the sun's energy AND produce glucose! Delicious. No more Top Ramen for you, you have the sun now.



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Tip of the Day #7 (12/1/09)

If you find yourself worrying too much about what other people think of you, try developing autism. Autism is a quick and easy way of eliminating concern about the thoughts of others. If you have trouble developing autism, consult a professional for help.

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Tip of the Day #6 (12/02/09)

It's a good idea to get a full-body x-ray once a week just to make sure you have the correct number of bones. Many people do not know this, but the average person loses several bones a year during their sleep, through a process called "bone shedding" in which bones simply slip out of one's skin. In the case of missing bones, I suggest taking a trip to the natural history museum and borrowing some of the bones there to replace the missing ones. Dinosaur bones are 300% stronger than human bones and are much easier to steal. After a couple of decades, you may find that a majority of your skeleton is composed of dinosaur bones...and that YOU are a DINOSAUR! Congratulations.



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