Tip of the Day #8 (12/18/09)

This tip is for you starving artist types (I know you're reading this). If you're low on funds and having trouble keeping yourself fed, try taking a high dose of chlorophyll pills (about 10,000 a day should do). After a few days your skin will turn a healthy green and you will develop the ability to photosynthesize. The chlorophyll in your skin will help you metabolize the sun's energy AND produce glucose! Delicious. No more Top Ramen for you, you have the sun now.



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Tip of the Day #7 (12/1/09)

If you find yourself worrying too much about what other people think of you, try developing autism. Autism is a quick and easy way of eliminating concern about the thoughts of others. If you have trouble developing autism, consult a professional for help.

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Tip of the Day #6 (12/02/09)

It's a good idea to get a full-body x-ray once a week just to make sure you have the correct number of bones. Many people do not know this, but the average person loses several bones a year during their sleep, through a process called "bone shedding" in which bones simply slip out of one's skin. In the case of missing bones, I suggest taking a trip to the natural history museum and borrowing some of the bones there to replace the missing ones. Dinosaur bones are 300% stronger than human bones and are much easier to steal. After a couple of decades, you may find that a majority of your skeleton is composed of dinosaur bones...and that YOU are a DINOSAUR! Congratulations.



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Tip of the Day #5 (11/30/09)

For those of you who (like me) enjoy eating ice, but DO NOT ENJOY it's wet flavor, they have recently release a new product called "Dry Ice". Dry Ice is just like traditional ice, but without that wet aftertaste (YUCK!). And plus, it's half the calories! Diet food much?

Tip of the Day #4 (11/28/09)

In the event o a power outage, fireflies are a cheap and easy alternative to electricity. Pop a few into your mouth to create a powerful flashlight effect from your eyeballs. If fireflies are not available, try Reece's Pieces - they won't emit any light, but they are real nice to chew.

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Tip of the Day #3 (11/26/09)

If you're feeling blue, find someone whose voice makes you feel happy and switch voices with them for a few months. It could be a friend, a grandparent, an acquaintance, a gay boyfriend, or just about anyone! Once you have successfully switched voices - GO NUTS!!! Experiment with your new voice. Perhaps try calling your old friends with your new voice and attempt to explain to them that you have acquired a new voice. Maybe try getting a voice over agent with your new voice! Maybe try getting your new voice to sound like your old voice - it'll be hard, but you'll have a blast trying!!

If you like your new voice enough, you may want to suggest a permanent switch. If the other party is unwilling, it's time to pack your bags and hit the road. You must, at all costs, keep your new voice - even if it means starting an entirely new life.

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Tip of the Day #2 (11/20/09)

For those of you with uncomfortable mattresses, pour a few bags of popcorn beneath your bed sheets to soften up your sleep and enjoy the smell of hot butter through the night!

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